Martian Probe: Failed Alien Bio-Weapon?
Earth has plenty of reasons to worry when the failed Russian probe Phobos-Grunt eventually hurtles, flaming, out of orbit and crashes onto our planet. On Friday, the European Space Agency gave up trying to contact the craft, and even Russia appears ready to abandon hope a month after they mysteriously lost contact with it.
Not to worry, you might say. After all, didn’t German and U.S. satellites hurtle out of orbit much the same way earlier this year? That turned out fine. After which I would reply: you poor, deluded fool.
Phobos-Grunt, which could crash land as soon as January, is far deadlier than any hunk-of-junk satellite. First, it is loaded with tons of highly combustible rocket fuel intended to propel the craft on a course to the tiny, mysterious Martian moon Phobos (which, incidentally, may not be a moon at all, but a hollow satellite built by the Martians to house the remains of their dying civilization – or even a ship).
Compounding the insanity, a California lab decided to infest the probe with live microbes before sending it on its way to Mars, to the unease of scientists everywhere (the microbial morons also apparently forgot that deadly microbes become even deadlier in space.) The only explanation for this move: it was a naïve college experiment to test the plot believability of Grade Z 1980s zombie movies.
Now to the real question: Was the probe even designed for space travel? Or was it intentionally prepared by Russia and China to become a giant flaming biological weapon and wreak havoc among Western governments? Or even worse: wage interplanetary biological war against Martians? (A dedicated YouTube researcher has laid out just such a chilling case.)
Ah, an alien nemesis. We knew it couldn’t have been just a coincidence that so many Mars probe missions have been mysteriously cursed.
But wait, there’s more. Now the Russians themselves have suggested that HAARP – the remote and high-tech Alaskan U.S. radar site that America claims is innocently studying the ionosphere – disrupted their communications to the probe, causing the failure. The HAARP project, well-known to the Conspiratorium, has been blamed for deliberately unleashing deadly storms and earthquakes. Could it be a giant weather weapon that took down little Phobos-Grunt?
So much intrigue surrounding one dead probe circling the Earth. No wonder that in Greek and Russian, Phobos-Grunt means, literally “fear soil.”
Photo by MKonair.